Tools for Alchemy
“I tell people all the time one of the most beautiful paradoxes to me is writing. And the reason why is because in order to do it one has to live in an extraordinary place of humility, in the process of making something that perhaps might be shared with the world. On the flip side, the mere notion that someone wants to make something that might be shared with the world is rooted in ego.” ~Jason Reynolds, Masterpieces and Messes; Unlocking Us with Brene Brown
“If you’re getting into this business for that outcome, if that’s the reason you’re doing it, chances are it’s not gonna work out…That’s not what makes it…what makes it great is the personal. With all of its imperfections. With all of its quirkiness. That’s what makes it great. How you see the world, that’s different from how everyone else sees the world—that’s why you’re an artist. That’s your purpose in sharing your work with the world…And even if they have some sort of a short term success doing that [mimicking | imitating others], it’s not revolutionary, it doesn’t change the world, it doesn’t last…it can be a momentary thing, but it’s never the thing…It’s the people who you first see and you might not like, that you come to like, because you don’t understand them at first…those are the ones that change the world.” ~Rick Rubin on the Joe Rogan Experience Episode #1881
This blog post is a random smattering of thoughts, providing a few standout events from my 2022, my read book list, and a handful of podcasts that pierced me. In the spirit of Kaizen, a Japanese term meaning change for the better or continuous improvement, this piece is my attempt to codify some of what happened in 2022. Full disclosure, this is not meant to be comprehensive, but rather the offspring of my wanting to edify last year in hopes of my continued journey at self-improvement—Sankofa. 2022 was great for all the paradoxes it presented: a new job, getting married, running more than I ever have in my life, traveling a ton, etc., but also troubling family health scares, friendship loss, and having hard conversations that I struggled with at the time, but turned out to be illuminating. The paradoxes are a necessary part of the human existence – the inputs of experience have a rather subtle alchemy.
This blog post is also written from the foundation of a quote that I heard twice within the same week last February that remains emblazoned in my mind: “It’s important to remember that a giant looks in the mirror and sees nothing…” Jason Reynolds said it in his episode on Unlocking Us with Brene Brown – and then I heard it in the Jeen-Yuhs Documentary when Donda says it to Kanye. Said another way, this is my expression of gratitude. As I often consider, I hope that some of my work and thoughts, as well as the guidance I have received, becomes a lighthouse for others. As Kyla G suggested, this is my Spotify Wrapped 2022 – the written edition! We just out here building. The below encapsulates things that happened, and things that “helped” it happen. It’s meant to feel conversational – the non-linear storytelling accentuates the alchemy of it all because as Soren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” One love…
Things That Happened [Events | Moments | Tings]:
Married my person (after marrying my people)
4.2.22 – Officiating James, my brother from another mother, and Margaret’s wedding in ATX was a phenomenal experience. I remember driving to church with James in Fall ‘21 when he originally asked me. What an honor! My internalized deprecation almost got the best of me, as I considered why he didn’t ask me to be a groomsman, etc., and my negative self-talk ran rampant instead of simply accepting what was. It was such a special treat to see James & Margaret, folks that I’ve known for a long long time, come together as one. Working with Poppa Wright to craft the message and ensure that it hit just wright, the practice that went into preparing (reps remove doubt), and even going with the flow when I re-read the wrong line (hate to see it), was all a part of what makes the human experience - our experience - so rich. I vividly remember suggesting to Poppa Wright that I wanted to remove a certain line, to which he said, “No, no no. I think that line is great!” On the wedding day, when I read: “Margaret’s also a great investor—she has been patiently investing in her relationship with James since Georgetown…” the crowd erupted. I looked directly at him, knowingly. What an incredible weekend and a remarkable day. There were so many moments within the moments that I will always cherish. [That Final Four tho…]
8.26.22 | 8.27.22 – OH MY LANTA. What an amazing few days! To say that I had fun would be a gross understatement. Linds and I were at dinner with another couple a few nights ago and they still couldn’t stop talking about Linds singing at our wedding! Like, y’all, I been telling you my wife is talented, “A nuh joke ting dis!” Nonetheless, words won’t do it justice, so I’ll suffice it to say it was one of the best days of my life. The loved ones, the food, the dancing, the venue(s), the way we put it together as quickly as we did. We felt so incredibly blessed. And that’s not to discount all the stuff people don’t often talk about during wedding planning (everything being 5x in price, who made the list and who didn’t, who makes the day about them vs. about you). The list goes on, but I will always think fondly of those couple days. If I could bottle up the emotion, love, gratitude, excitement, etc. from that day and sell it, I’d be a rich man.
Not a flex but sharing some of how much these folks words touched us, a few pieces of feedback that we got!
“Thinking of you today fam. You’ve come a long way since those walk-up apartments haha. As intentional as you are with words generally, I’m confident that your vows are going to reflect the immense amount of love you have for Linds. Congrats fam, I’m proud of you. Wishing y’all all the best on this new journey.” ~DJ
“Hey big bro, just wanted to say congratulations to you and Lindsey. Hope everything ran smoothly, and I can’t wait to see you guys tmm…It was a beautiful event big bro you really touch so many people and I knew it but I didn’t get to grasp that until today! Thank you and Lindsey for inviting me big bro, love ya.” ~ZB
“You are an ANIMAL!!...You danced so [f-ing] hard…I was so happy to see you in your glory and enjoying yourself…this weekend was not the acme of your marriage.” ~SB
“Bussing back from the Pittsburgh game, reflecting on the weekend, you’re a very special guy, man. So cool to see how many different people you’ve been able to bring together over the years…Glad Paulette was able to be there and can still get after it…So happy for you both, happy somebody finally locked it down! Excited to see what the next chapter is for you guys. Hope the weekend unfolded like you wanted! Fyi no shame in my game but Shazam failed me on the dance floor ☺…Love you. Love Linds.” ~PH
Onsite [Sept 8th-14th]
During my garden leave, I spent six days at a “Therapy Camp” in Tennessee. They take away all your electronics, and you’re not allowed to speak about what you do for work. You show up as you are and do the work. Seems quite simple, but wildly difficult given our busy lives – we feel the need to be constantly online, available, and “on”. As taken from the website, during the “six-day program, our expert therapists guide you in rewriting your narratives and resolving areas of your life that keep you stuck, leading you to take back agency and access the life you actually want to live. Relationships, trauma, depression, anxiety, codependency—or just the stresses of daily living—often keep you from the peace and balance you desire. But they don’t have to.”
I first learned about Onsite from Lindsey – she had gone in September 2019. Her positive experience is part of what she articulates enabled her to be ready for me when we reconnected later in 2019. I’d wanted to go ever since she told me about it, but let’s be real – ain’t nobody got time to take six days off from work and family. Nonetheless, we make time for things we care about. I needed Onsite more than I knew to help resolve (read: work on) my daddy issues and understand my identity outside of athletics, work, and whatever stamps are on my resume.
*Note* I could write a piece on this alone; about my own personal experience, as well as what I’ve observed of others getting “lost in the sauce” as the young kids say and how that informs the way I’m extremely intentional about having a vivid inner world.
I’m so happy I did it. Suffice it to say that when my man Jason E (my roommate at Onsite) asked me why I was there given that I seemed to have my shit together, that I was always smiling, and in a relatively good disposition, I told him, “I’m broken, just like everyone else.” I’ve long viewed self-help, therapy, coaching, emotional awareness, communication, etc. as a competitive advantage, especially given how many men don’t want | are unable to speak about their feelings or share their truths. I try to own my brokenness. And I’m working on getting better. From the brokenness who knew that a flower would grow, or as Rumi wrote, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
Label it what you want, but by taking care of me, I’m better able to take care of those around me. I like to frame it in a similar fashion to why LeBron James spends more than $1mn a year on his body; that’s why he’s able to average damn near 31 points a game over the last ten games (as of 12.31.22) during his 20th year in the league! As Sev would often tell me, keep the main thing the main thing. It’s incredibly important to try to build the infrastructure and support systems around you to allow you to focus on what you do well. Again, this is not meant to sound tone deaf, as it costs money and some people are just trying to survive vs. having disposable income to thrive, but I truly believe this starts with mindset and discipline (and a lot of luck).
Lake Como, Italy [July 3rd-9th]
This trip was everything and more. Linds and I went to Justin and Elizabeth’s wedding. I had been in Chicago and Boston just days before; it was a heavy travel season. We had gone to Sicily in Summer ‘21 – that trip was fun, but it was pre-engagement, and the rules now were different. By this trip we had much more experience traveling together, and given the health scares in my family a few months prior, it was a welcomed respite from a few difficult months. Justin & Elizabeth’s wedding was bananas.
Linds and I spent quality time together throughout Hotel Grand Tremezzo, Villa D’Este, day trips to Bellagio, as well as our random run-in with Russell Wilson – it was a stunningly beautiful experience. Nonetheless, on our last night in Italy, I had an allergic reaction to a cookie (that apparently had nuts). To be clear, I didn’t need to have this cookie – it was literally the last thing on a post dessert treat after the best meal of our lives at Villa D’Este. We sped home (we rented a car) so that I could take some Benadryl. I popped some, and then we packed and went to bed. We had to be on the road early the following morning to fly back to New York.
Around 2am I woke up. I struggled to breathe and felt hives covering my body. I jumped up and went into the bathroom – I was terrified when I looked in the mirror. My ears were swollen. My lips were swollen. My neck was swollen. I woke Lindsey up, trying to calmly (feigning poise) tell her that we need to go to the hospital. My mind was racing – we had a flight in a few hours, the Benadryl I had was stale, and this wasn’t looking good…
We hopped in our rental car and sped the twenty-three minutes to the hospital. We arrived and struggled to communicate my issue because of the language barrier. I eventually received a wristband and was told to wait in the next room. Forty-five minutes later, we still hadn’t seen anyone. No one entered the room. No one left. But as we blankly stared at the clock, I was feeling slightly better. I presume waking up from my slumber saved my life as my fight or flight (or sheer adrenaline) helped my hives subside…
Overall, this trip was so meaningful because, like I continue to discuss, it displayed the paradox of the human experience. We traveled to one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been, to experience one of the most incredible weddings, on an amazing trip with my then fiancé, had the best meal of our lives, only to then on the last night take a bite of a cookie that I didn’t even order that resulted in an unfortunate end. Remain vigilant my friends and take nothing for granted! *Note* On this trip I read: How are you, Really by Jenna Kutcher – fire!
Ran three half-marathons: 12.3.22 [9:15 pace] | 9.29.22 [9:07 pace] | 8.30.22 [9:42 pace]
I often tell myself that if I cared about running in college as much as I do now, I woulda been nice! I was sprinter at Amherst College, but don’t think that I ever ran a mile (at once) throughout my track career! Nonetheless, to have laced up my sneakers and hit the pavement over fifty times last year made me feel incredible – it still does. I can now get a runner’s high and I really enjoy being out there, logging miles (The Trial of Miles, Miles of Trials). I’m not competing with anyone but my former self. Yet, running three half-marathons (solo) is a feat that I’d never thought I’d accomplish. I don’t know that I’ll run a full marathon, but maybe I’ll train to compete in an official half-marathon this year. We’ll see!
Things That Helped Them Happen:
Book List ‘22 (23)
The Almanack of Naval Ravikant
“Why should white guys have all the fun?” How Reginald Lewis Created a Billion-Dollar Business Empire by Reginald F. Lewis & Blair S. Walker
Effortless by Greg McKeown
Essentialism by Greg McKeown
The Girl Who Fell From The Sky by Heidi W. Durrow
Don’t Cry For Me by Daniel Black
Two And Twenty by Sachin Khajuria
How are you, Really by Jenna Kutcher
The Heart of the Deal by Lindsay MacMillan
Unashamed by Lecrae
The Genius Zone by Gay Hendricks [Lindsey suggestion]
Nick by Michael Farris Smith
The Attributes by Rich Diviney [William H suggestion]
Once A Runner by John L. Parker, Jr.
Bully Market by Jamie Fiore Higgins
How To Invest, Masters on the Craft by David Rubenstein
Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller [Onsite]
Ain’t Burned All The Bright by Jason Reynolds & Jason Griffin
Smart Brevity by Jim VandeHei, Mike Allen, and Roy Schwartz [Alisa M suggestion]
Illogical by Emmanuel Acho
Up Close And All In by John Mack
Never Finished by David Goggins
Confessions from you Token Black Colleague by Talisa ‘Tali’ Lavarry
Podcasts: *Note* All of these may eventually turn into blog posts, so I’ll keep the summaries short. I hope y’all listen and can gain some kernels of wisdom as I did!
Brene Brown w/ Jason Reynolds on Masterpieces and Messes. Unlocking Us with Brene Brown (2.16.22)
“Bearing witness” …So much resonated from discourse with his mom | the “fish story” | therapy — public lives, personal lives, and our secret lives. Damn, this hit on another level.
Another quote I loved: “You don’t know. You just try to be as honest with yourself as possible in any given moment, and when it works, there’s this theory I have a tattoo on my hand of the number 26. I look at it often because it’s right there. So, I see it all day, every day, and it represents the letters in the English alphabet. And the reason that I got it is because I think about the letters of the English alphabet as sort of the tools for alchemy. Have you ever thought about that, all we really have as writers, besides spirit and imagination, are 26 letters…”
Also, I remember telling my class at Onsite how much I love Brene Brown. Then one of my teammates, BF, stated how much she enjoyed Brene Brown. I had a momentary lapse and couldn’t remember Jason Reynold’s name as I was describing the episode to BF. But as soon as I mentioned the “fish story” she knew exactly which one it was.
As mentioned earlier, I first heard this podcast around the same time that Linds and I were watching Jeen-Yuhs…so a few quotes from there.
“I’m hungry, dog…[Playas] always be talking about what I got, but they don’t realize I’m nowhere near where I want to be. I might be living your American dream, but I’m nowhere near where my dreams are. I’ve got aspirations… I’ve got big dreams…I’m a rapper, dog…Man, before I had my car, I used to be walking to the train, practicing my Grammy speech.” ~Ye, Jeen-Yuhs
From the MML on 2.21.22: “I got goosebumps rapping Family Business as I watched Ye rap it to Scarface one hour into Jeen-Yuhs. It made me think of my freshman year roommate who was from Chi-Town and loved Kanye (RIP Jordan). It made me think of where I was when I first heard that song, when I first memorized the lyrics, and thoughts of my own family business. The scene also reinforced a recent comment that a mentor suggested that I ask myself every day, ‘What have you done today for Sean 2025?’ That hit me. Cause to think about how | what Ye must have felt trying to get put on, trying so hard to get his music heard, to all the music he has since released…Inspiring. It also reinforces that I aint come this far just to come this far. Let’s keep going.”
The Joe Rogan Experience | #1881 Rick Rubin (10.11.22)
This episode is over three hours long. I’ve listened to it more than five times since I first heard it. Linds sent it (she loves Rick Rubin’s SHANGRI-LA) and thought to share after she heard the part where Rick Rubin speaks about his work with Jay-Z – so dope. I love the way this man’s brain works, as well as his connection to source. His creativity is awe-inspiring. I appreciate how he acknowledges living in the present while noting how many people become successful only to then make it seem like they knew that what they were doing was going to be successful. I appreciate his illumination of the alchemy of human discourse and interaction. The stories about almost dying, his weight loss journey, his paying attention, work ethic vs. talent, and describing magic. I love it.
For context: Rick Rubin is quite literally the man behind some of the biggest hits in music history, from Jay-Z and Run-DMC to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Adele, and Johnny Cash.
“I don’t really know anything about music, it’s more a way of looking at the world and wanting it to be the best it could possibly be.” ~Rick Rubin
Another quote that resonated, especially given my last blog about paying attention: “Listen to your experience: ‘The universe is conspiring on our behalf, if we let it…Don’t ignore the clues that the universe is sending you. If you don’t do something, somebody else will. Not because they took your idea, but because it’s time for the idea to happen.” ~Rick Rubin
Chamath Palihapitiya: Money, Success, Startups, Energy, Poker & Happiness | Lex Fridman Podcast #338 (11.15.22) (Jay D suggestion)
People have a lot to say about Chamath, Social Capital, his SPACs, etc. Regardless, this episode put so much in perspective for me, not solely because it changed how I viewed him, but because it helped me better understand myself. During the opening forty minutes I felt so seen, like I coulda been in that chair describing the relationship with my father. It was jarring, it was eye-opening. But then to go on and talk about his business insights, his relationships with his “besties” in the All-In Pod, as well as how his creativity comes through based on the discipline of his days, I really appreciated it. I loved this episode so much. Thanks again young Jay for thinking it would resonate and sharing.
I’m gonna end this blog post with a different Japanese term, Shoshin. I stumbled upon this word while reading a Financial Times article by Jemma Kelly: We should enter the new year with a beginner’s mind. Shosin, as she describes is a concept that comes from Zen Buddhism, “the idea that everyone – no matter how advanced or experienced they are – should try to approach things with the same openness, curiosity, flexibility, and desire to learn that characterizes the attitude of beginners. ‘In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind, there are few,’ wrote the Buddhist Monk Shunryu Suzuki in his 1970 book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.’”
So, I hope that we can all approach the new year with Shoshin. How’s that for musings for 2023?! Go get’em.
-Sean
P.S. I needed to stop looking at this blog post because I coulda edited and refined it forever. There is still so much beneath the water to this iceberg, especially re: the podcast episodes. I continue to listen to them because like rereading a book, I learn different things each time I listen – alternate parts resonate, or the dots start to connect as the links deepen. And I’m cool with that because as Robin Sharma writes in The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, “‘Don’t I already know myself?’… ‘Most people don’t. They have never taken the time to know their strengths, their weaknesses, their hopes, their dreams. The Chinese define image in these terms: there are three mirrors that form a person’s reflection; the first is how you see yourself, the second is how others see you and the third mirror reflects the truth. Know yourself, John. Know the truth.’”