Discipline Is Freedom

These words resonate with me more and more as I get older.

I spent my whole 20s trying to bridge the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be, as well as between who I was and who I wanted to be.  No matter how hard I worked and how much I achieved, one thing remained true: the fruits of my labor directly correlated with the effort that I exerted and ultimately how well I remained disciplined. When I read this quote in a May 2019 MML, it struck me deeply. I had finished my master’s program nearly a year prior and was quickly humbled thereafter by the job hunt. The insecurities and strength that I developed from my pre-MBA career crept to the forefront of my conscious—I quickly had to remind myself that all things happen with divine timing and that no obstacle is insurmountable. 

“Discipline is freedom” are some of the truest words I’d ever read. If I wanted financial freedom, I’d need to work hard for it and fully with my heart. If I wanted spiritual freedom (that is to be aligned with my emotions and on the path to becoming the person whom I want to be), then I would need to develop the discipline of my own spiritual practice. Back then, that spiritual practice meant meditating, saying “yes” to myself, and going for new challenges and opportunities even when I may have felt fear. However, at the beginning of this year, I decided to provide myself with more freedom by seeking to understanding the “why” behind my actions. And so, I began therapy, which I’ve dabbled in before, but this time I was more honest with myself than ever. 

I knew I was operating at a certain level of happiness, but I wanted to aim higher, get real with myself about my own patterns, and ultimately unlock things within myself that I didn’t know were there. My therapist and I talk about important subjects like trusting my intuition, having compassion for those who’ve hurt me, most importantly of all, having compassion for myself. Now, in 2020, when I read “discipline Is freedom” I feel it more than ever, and I know that I, Afiya, cannot be disciplined without having a clear sense of my “why” and this year I learned that my “why” is me. To pull another quote from the MML, these words from Najwa Zebian reflect a lot of what I’ve needed to work on and tell myself. 

“To the heart in you, don’t be afraid to feel. To the sun in you, don’t be afraid to shine. To the love in you, don’t be afraid to heal.”

So, I want to conclude by saying that the MML has reinforced much of what I know to be true, but can’t always articulate, and more importantly it’s invited me to revisit how I look at the world.

Thanks for everything.

Love,

Afiya