Not Gone

When my grandfather passed away a few years ago, it was difficult for me to process.

Like so many of our grandparents, he was a friend, mentor and cheerleader – always supporting my decisions and congratulating me on a job well done.

A few days after he passed, my father read me a poem that was shared with him.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.” Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

And that is dying...

-Henry Van Dyke

These words helped me greatly during that difficult time.

It’s a beautiful poem, and so elegantly and gracefully reframes such a difficult event. It’s not to say it isn’t important, understood and encouraged to grieve and mourn the loss of a loved one, but to remind us of the joy we shared with them and “[their] diminished size is in me – not in [them]”.

They are just as much of a friend, mentor and cheerleader now as they were before. They are just as strong and wise and loving now as they were before.

And when thinking more critically about this poem, I believe we can apply it to other experiences in life– not just death.

While we live in a connected world, as we grow from kids to adults, and change schools, cities and jobs, unfortunately we no longer see or speak to some of the close friends we once had. We no longer talk with each other each day or see each other every weekend.

And while this is to no one’s fault, unfortunately these relationships fade away or “hang like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.”

Sometimes, that speck comes back to us, and other times, it’s gone - hopefully not gone for good.

But whatever the case may be, let us not forget that friendship or those people, and let us not forget that person is “just as large in mast, hull and spar as [they were] when [they] left my side. And, [they are] just as able to bear [their] load of living freight to [their] destined port.”

Let’s remember that there is someone else joyfully watching that person come into their life. Let’s be thankful that person will know and experience the same joys and memories we did.

And if you aren’t ready to lose that speck, let’s reach out to them and reminisce about those joys and memories we so fondly remember.

[Written :: 2020.07.10]