We Gon’ Be Alright
“Not sure what’s heavier, what’s on my mind or my plate, but we gonna be okay.” ~Tinashe, Lucid Dreaming
I read this quote some years ago in an MML email [1/27/17 edition, curator’s note] and while at the time I did not feel like I had too much on my mind or on my plate, it hit me and stuck with me. When I first read this quote, I was still single, running around Los Angeles like a mad man and not thinking about the future, but rather thinking about that night and where the party was. I was still relatively new to Los Angeles (two years in) and was still getting to understand who I was as a person and as a man. Before my move to Los Angeles, I was still living in NY as a young twenty something year old, with no plan, no goal, no drive, nothing. It was a difficult time for not only myself, but for my friends and family as well. I was in a dark place and didn’t care to get out or change anything about my situation. Then one day I had an opportunity to take on a new job, in a new city, and leave my family/friends (I continue to miss them every day). I knew if I didn’t take this opportunity it may never come again and who knows where I would end up.
Fast forward to today, five years later, married, a kid on the way, a new job, I feel like I couldn’t have more on my mind or on my plate. The last few weeks have been extremely tough...my wife caught COVID (thankfully she is okay), I have not seen my family in eight months—the longest I’ve gone without seeing them, and I am still settling into a new management position. From an outsider’s perspective, all of this might seem like a dream (married, a kid on the way, new job), but for me, it’s been the toughest week in years. I was supposed to be with my family this week, celebrating my niece’s, Rose, first birthday, but COVID had other plans. FaceTiming with my family this past weekend was nice, but it hit me hard and I could not hold anything in any longer. All I wanted was to be with them this week, hug them and just hold them. I have not been able to see them since my wife and I found out we were pregnant, and that has also taken a toll on me. Not being able to hug my mom or my brothers and celebrate one of the happiest times of my life, sharing a moment I will never forget is tough.
After letting things bottle up inside of me, I could no longer keep it in and needed to vent. I called my brother, Sean, who did the best thing anyone could do...he just listened. I was angry, I cried, but most of all I let it all out and got over it. After hanging up with Sean, I felt like I got everything out—I moved on. This was two days ago and sitting here today, writing this blog, I think to myself, “Not sure what’s heavier, what’s on my mind or my plate, but we gonna be okay.”
[Written :: 2020.07.14]