While They Sleep

“I think there’s a lot to be said for patience, focus, consistent hard work, and incrementalism. You won’t pass that test in a week and you won’t bench 315 in a month - but everything from now onward, even the shitty workouts and easy math questions that you get wrong anyway, will get you closer to those goals. I’m a big advocate for sharing goals to increase accountability.” (Dec 26th, 2018. Months after the GRE crushed me).

“We don’t get moments like tomorrow anymore, not unless we make them happen...How many people 8 years removed from competitive athletics are still pushing themselves to new personal bests physically? Thank you for pushing me and for letting me push you these past three months. Listen to what your body tells you when you’re warming up, and when you’re ready to go, trust in the hundreds of reps you’ve completed since January to help you lock it out one more time in this cycle. I believe in us.” (Before the 315lbs bench test, Apr 1st, 2019—completed. 4/2 [315lbs], 11/26 [330lbs], 12/31 [335lbs]).

“Okay this is where I really need you to just trust me. Please, please, please do not run based on feel... You don’t have to be at 100% tomorrow to have a phenomenal run - we know that from some of your bench workouts too... I’m proud of you for accomplishing this goal, Sean. When you started back in March, any run longer than 3 miles seemed unattainable, but now you’ve been disciplined and consistent in your training enough to endure 13.1 strongly.” (Before the half-marathon, Jun 27th, 2020—completed).

All of the above were written by my friend, confidante (sometimes), and “trainer”, Nicky. Over the last couple years, I’ve had some pretty specific goals: 330 GRE, 315lbs bench, and most recently, to run a half marathon. I often ask some of my friends for their goals or to reflect on the best moments of the previous year, quarter, you name it. I do this because I want to be an active participant in my life rather than a passive observer. I want to happen to things. Hope is not a strategy, and thus setting goals that I share with others helps keep me accountable. I pray readers understand that this isn’t me trying to flex, but rather explaining that it’s the stuff people don’t see (discipline and consistent work while they sleep) that has allowed me to accomplish some of my goals. There is still a lot of failure.

I was speaking to Zander a couple weeks back; he said that me setting (and accomplishing) some goals inspired him. I was taken aback because I’ve long admired Zander’s discipline, work ethic, and persistence—iron sharpens iron. It also reminded me of that J. Cole line in ‘03 Adolescence, “So how you looking up to me when I look up to you?” Truth is, while J. Cole was rapping about a different context, it felt really good to hear that from Zander.

Reflecting on the last couple years, there is no way I could have accomplished these physical (and mental) feats without Nicky. Our friendship has blossomed by having difficult conversations, explaining our respective points of view, and even going through some challenging breakups together. Yet, underpinning it all was love and respect for the person. We don’t always agree, yet I know that when it comes to my training, he’s got my back and I need to listen. *Note* To be clear, my man didn’t even like quotes, now he’s being written about in the MML!

At a Breakfast Bites session last week, Duce made a couple statements that resonated with me. He often reminds his players, “Zero in on preparation and not competition.” That stuck to my ribs like oatmeal because so often I’ve psyched myself out, performing poorly on tests or in athletic contests because of my own mental game. I want to get to a point where I can fully trust my training and then just go out and perform. As Nicky commented, “trust in the hundreds of reps you’ve completed since January to help you lock it out one more time in this cycle,” which reminded me of Archilochus’ “We don’t rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training.” This is hard cause there were times when I didn’t put in the work only to provide myself the built-in excuse: if I would’ve tried harder, if I would’ve approached that woman, if I would’ve asked for that opportunity then...

I now know that failure is far sweeter than regret—turn all my L’s into lessons (Big Sean voice). Duce’s other question illuminates so much of what that real internal struggle is about though... “Do your habits match your mission?”

My two current goals: Physical—100 pushups, 50 sit-ups, and 1 full page in my journal a day. Even as I wrote that, I thought, “should I write 150 pushups, or 100 sit-ups, or do I write ‘diary’ instead of ‘journal’”...But I keep reminding myself this is about consistency, not intensity. I’m trying to be the best version of me...Personal— Connect with Tristan Walker. If you have an in, please holla at me. I’ll let you know my results at the end of Q3. But even then, I’ll likely be reaching for the next goal, cause we either get busy living or get busy dying. So, this is my long-winded way of saying thank you, Nicky. And I love you Zander.

As I look in the mirror, Duce’s words still ringing in my head: “Do [my] habits match [my] mission?”

[Written :: 2020.07.18]